So recently I guess I've been learning how to deal with disappointments. But not really. Just disappointments as in things that I have planned out to do/want to do, and then something else happening instead. It seems like I'll make these plans and be so excited for them and everything will be laid out of what is going to happen and I'll be so proud of myself because I've actually been organized and done something. And I mean, I'll even be praying about it and telling God how excited I am and how much I'm looking forward to it and stuff. Then God is like lolnope and pulls the rug from under my feet and things get canceled. And I'll get so angry and frustrated and basically start yelling at God and be like "why? whywhywhywhywhy? what was even the point of that? I was looking forward to it. I NEEDED it. Why would you do that to me?" And I'll be all angry and feel sorry for myself until logic kicks in. That's when I decide that I need to stop and calm down and just relax. But by then, I can't relax and I'm just so worked up about it (and just so you know, this is all on the inside, because on the outside, I'm the same as I always am). So then I pray again and ask God to give me peace about it and to relax and for things to be ok. And then they are. And I feel ok about it. Things don't seem so bad anymore. And then later, something even better happens. It's kinda crazy. I mean, two examples of this are like last week when I was supposed to go for lunch with Crooksy and then that didn't work out. Instead, during the time I would have been out with him, Ellisha and I talked for a while. And due to what we talked about, I think that was better for me than hanging out with Crooksy would have been and I think/hope it helped her too. Then also, I was pretty bummed that I couldn't go to Judy and Rachel G's seminar cause I had to work. But because I worked that morning, it meant I didn't work that night so I could go to Rachel Logan's bbq fundraiser and properly hang out with a bunch of people. It's just kinda hitting me how crazy it is that even though things don't work out MY WAY, they still end up working out better.
Also. Claire got on my case a bit tonight about why I don't like to pray aloud. She said that I'm ok talking to my dad in front of them, so why shouldn't I be ok with talking to God around them. But it's not the same. When you're praying aloud, a lot of times it ends up that you're praying for/to the other people and not God. You're trying to make sure you say the right thing and don't leave anything out. You can't leave anything out or your prayers will be wrong. But if it's to God it can't be wrong. So I just don't like praying out loud. There's no point arguing about it though. I just hope the topic doesn't come up again.
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