April 27, 2007
Dear God,
I have a message for my mother.
Can you tell her I love her?
Could you tell her I miss her?
Would you let her know we're fine?
Tell her Daddy doesn't cry so much anymore
Tell her we're almost all moved into our new house,
Tell her many people miss her.
I had never seen Grandpa cry.
I'll never forget her lying on the floor as she died.
Tell her the funeral was tough,
Tell her her family was here.
Tell her I'm sorry I teased her about not reaching her 50th year.
My birthday party was fun,
Though there was one thing it lacked,
And hanging over Christmas was a shadow that was black.
These four months and six days have gone,
Running by in a flash,
But sometimes it seems like forever
As time creeps slowly past.
Tell her my guilt is gone,
Tell her I know it was wrong.
Tell her I'm sorry for the things that I've done,
The heartache I put her through,
If she were still here today, much of it I wouldn't do.
Tell her I'll see her someday,
Tell her I know that she's proud,
And tell her again that I love her,
And I know that from the clouds
She's watching me.
Amen.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Chasing Rainbows
It's been almost exactly a year since I wrote this...which is interesting.
I was awakened by several large thumps coming from just outside my door. A quick glance at the clock told me how early it was, and groaning, I rolled over and covered my head with the pillow. It was Christmas break and I didn't have to be up for a couple more hours. The thumps were growing louder, and then suddenly there was a huge crash. I got out of bed prepared to tell off my cousin for trying to get me up so early during the holidays. Upon opening my door, however, I got an unpleasant surprise. My dad and uncle were attempting to get my mother down the stairs. Forgetting my fatigue and momentary irritation with my cousin, I began to help them in whatever way I could. About ten minutes later, we had her lying down at the bottom of the stairs, her body made as comfortable as possibly with numerous pillows, her head and neck supported by my dad. After deciding that there was no way to get her to the car, my aunt called the ambulance to come and get her. They arrived fairly quickly, but in what seemed at the time to be forever. By this time my sister was awake and watching what was going on. As she and my parents were visiting for the holidays, she was sleeping in the basement with my cousin, Jessica, while my parents had Jessica's room. My aunt, knowing Deborah would not be able to stomach everything, sent us back downstairs to wake Jessica and stay there for a while. We sat on the bed shivering with cold down in the basement. Jessica stroking Deborah's hair and whispering comforting words, Deborah with tears streaming down her white face, and me sitting there listening to Jessica and thinking about how she would be surprised. About thirty minutes later, my aunt came down to tell us that my dad had gone with my mom to the hospital and that she herself would be leaving shortly. We spent the rest of the morning cleaning up the house in preparation for Josh's return from boot camp. The rest of our tasks were finished very light-heartedly and we proceeded to watch one of our favorite TV shows. It was in this way that my dad and grandmother found us several hours later. Sitting on the couch. Me, Jessica, and Deborah, all sitting in a row. They walked in and I paused the show. Jessica got up and went to the kitchen; Julie had just come down the stairs. My dad walked over and kneeled in front of us. The next words he spoke are words I will never forget, his voice cracking as he said them:
"Girls, mommy has gone to be with the Lord."
The groan that came out of my sister as she fell against him was something I never want to hear again. They held each other and cried. I sat and stared at the face of the character Lexi, frozen on my laptop screen, and wondered how things would ever be normal again. I vaguely felt the couch cushion move next to me as Jessica sat down and took my hand. Instantly something clicked in my head.
"I have to go finish cleaning up my room so Josh can stay there," I said.
"Yes, you should do that," replied my dad.
When I got over there, Julie was standing on the staircase crying. She offered to help me, and the two of us went up and tidied up my room. Then I cleaned up the house a bit more. Then I took out the trash. Then I tried to repair the fence that fell over in the recent wind storms. It fell over once more, so I put it up again but to no avail. Looking up from the fallen fence, I noticed the cats playing with each other in the grass. Julie walked out of the house and was watching me. Jessica was in the side yard talking on the phone. I chased the cats to the back of the house, Julie following me. I heard her mutter under her breath how carefree I seemed. Standing in the backyard, I looked up into the sky. There, starting at the very edge of our garden, was a rainbow. Grinning, I turned to Julie and told her about rainbows.
"You know," I said, "I heard somewhere that when someone dies, God sends a rainbow to take them up to heaven. Well, there's the rainbow."
I was awakened by several large thumps coming from just outside my door. A quick glance at the clock told me how early it was, and groaning, I rolled over and covered my head with the pillow. It was Christmas break and I didn't have to be up for a couple more hours. The thumps were growing louder, and then suddenly there was a huge crash. I got out of bed prepared to tell off my cousin for trying to get me up so early during the holidays. Upon opening my door, however, I got an unpleasant surprise. My dad and uncle were attempting to get my mother down the stairs. Forgetting my fatigue and momentary irritation with my cousin, I began to help them in whatever way I could. About ten minutes later, we had her lying down at the bottom of the stairs, her body made as comfortable as possibly with numerous pillows, her head and neck supported by my dad. After deciding that there was no way to get her to the car, my aunt called the ambulance to come and get her. They arrived fairly quickly, but in what seemed at the time to be forever. By this time my sister was awake and watching what was going on. As she and my parents were visiting for the holidays, she was sleeping in the basement with my cousin, Jessica, while my parents had Jessica's room. My aunt, knowing Deborah would not be able to stomach everything, sent us back downstairs to wake Jessica and stay there for a while. We sat on the bed shivering with cold down in the basement. Jessica stroking Deborah's hair and whispering comforting words, Deborah with tears streaming down her white face, and me sitting there listening to Jessica and thinking about how she would be surprised. About thirty minutes later, my aunt came down to tell us that my dad had gone with my mom to the hospital and that she herself would be leaving shortly. We spent the rest of the morning cleaning up the house in preparation for Josh's return from boot camp. The rest of our tasks were finished very light-heartedly and we proceeded to watch one of our favorite TV shows. It was in this way that my dad and grandmother found us several hours later. Sitting on the couch. Me, Jessica, and Deborah, all sitting in a row. They walked in and I paused the show. Jessica got up and went to the kitchen; Julie had just come down the stairs. My dad walked over and kneeled in front of us. The next words he spoke are words I will never forget, his voice cracking as he said them:
"Girls, mommy has gone to be with the Lord."
The groan that came out of my sister as she fell against him was something I never want to hear again. They held each other and cried. I sat and stared at the face of the character Lexi, frozen on my laptop screen, and wondered how things would ever be normal again. I vaguely felt the couch cushion move next to me as Jessica sat down and took my hand. Instantly something clicked in my head.
"I have to go finish cleaning up my room so Josh can stay there," I said.
"Yes, you should do that," replied my dad.
When I got over there, Julie was standing on the staircase crying. She offered to help me, and the two of us went up and tidied up my room. Then I cleaned up the house a bit more. Then I took out the trash. Then I tried to repair the fence that fell over in the recent wind storms. It fell over once more, so I put it up again but to no avail. Looking up from the fallen fence, I noticed the cats playing with each other in the grass. Julie walked out of the house and was watching me. Jessica was in the side yard talking on the phone. I chased the cats to the back of the house, Julie following me. I heard her mutter under her breath how carefree I seemed. Standing in the backyard, I looked up into the sky. There, starting at the very edge of our garden, was a rainbow. Grinning, I turned to Julie and told her about rainbows.
"You know," I said, "I heard somewhere that when someone dies, God sends a rainbow to take them up to heaven. Well, there's the rainbow."
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Wondering :/
There's this boy that I know
He's the best one I've met.
I think I might like him
But I'm not sure just yet.
When we talk to each other
He's the only one I see,
But what I'm wondering is
Does he really like me?
He's the best one I've met.
I think I might like him
But I'm not sure just yet.
When we talk to each other
He's the only one I see,
But what I'm wondering is
Does he really like me?
Sunday, February 1, 2009
PET PEEVE
I don't like it when songs from the same CD in itunes have a higher play count than others. It is really annoying. Yes, this is small and stupid. But it is still highly irritating. And yes, I do fix this by playing the same songs over and over until they are all at the same count.
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