Too late?

I just got my hard-drive working again. There are so many things on there that I didn't realize I had kept. I have tons of conversation transcripts that for some reason I copied into notepad and then saved. I have many old school assignments. All of my old music and photos. It's kind of crazy what is on there actually.

I came across something that I wrote about 2-2.5 years ago. It was originally written in a msn conversation with David, but then I used it in a paper that I wrote in 11th grade as well. What I thought was interesting was that even though I don't feel like that anymore, reading it sent a chill up my spine. And deep, deep down, I feel so very bad for that lonely, scared kid who wrote those words.


“You feel lost and alone. Nobody cares, there is nobody to run to even if you wanted to. Everybody could be an enemy, you don't know who is actually friend and who is just looking for information to hurt you, so you just don't trust anyone. In some ways you pretend to. You also pretend to be alright. Everything is fine on the outside, but on the inside, you feel like you’re burning up. If you could feel like you’re dying without actually experiencing it, that’s what it would feel like. Nobody knows what is actually wrong, and nobody could ever hope to understand it. You can't tell your parents because they won't get it, they will just worry about you and you can't have that. You don't want them poking in your life. Its your life, you want to live it your way. You can't tell your friends because they won't get you either, they might ditch you, or worse, make fun of you. You’re hurting, you’re alone, you feel lost, and you’re slightly scared, but you can't admit that. Admitting fear is defeat. On the outside you are a tough shell, but nobody knows you actually cry yourself to sleep almost every night. Though its hell, you'd rather sit in your dark hole than tell anybody what’s wrong. Its easier that way. You sit there and pray, that someday, somebody will come along and lift you out of that dark hole so you don't have to do it yourself. The only problem is, every time someone comes along, you push them aside and say not yet, not you. But deep inside you know that one day, it will be too late.”