Fighting for nothing?

Sometimes we don't realize how fragile people are. How one little word can burn at somebody for hours and hours. How one little event can tear their entire life apart. How one little decision made by you can change everything.

Sometimes we don't realize how tough people are. How they can put up with so much and yet have so little. How they can keep going, no matter what has happened. How they can be there for those they love even if they are having a hard time themselves.


Most people don't notice. Most people just can't see. They can't see anything. There is a cloud, a blur, something marring their vision.

It covers up everything going on around them, making them blind. Blind, even though they can see. Blind, because they can see.

Some people choose to be blind. Why would you choose to be blind? It makes everything easier for you. It makes everything harder for everyone else. It makes the world harder. It makes everything harder for you.

Some people try to make things better. They do all sorts of things, use different methods, teachings, beliefs. Most of them are wrong. I don't say anything because I don't know what's right. But they are wrong.

And it makes everything worse. It makes it harder to deal with. And the people that are so fragile start to strain under the pressure. But they are tough. They don't break. They keep going and try hard to live it out. But all through it, they wish somebody could be there for them who knows, who understands. They don't realize that most people do. They, too, are blind.

And that is why I can't sleep.

I don't like sleeping.

If I'm sleeping, it means I can't do anything. I can't help. I stay up all night and talk to people, try to see what's wrong, try to help with their problems, just letting them talk. Sometimes that's all someone needs, a person to listen. Someone who cares. I don't know who you are or why you are reading my blog at this moment in time, but let me tell you, I care. I would die for you. Maybe you're a friend, someone I hardly know, someone I've never met, someone I never will meet. It doesn't matter. I care.

And that's why I don't sleep. That's why I can't sleep. There is too much going on. Too much that needs to be fixed. Too much that can't be fixed.

It is too much. We can't fix this world. We can't fix ourselves. We're too broken. Everything is broken.

Look around you. Look for the closest person to you. They are so broken. There is so much under that tough exterior that they fight to hide.

You are broken.

I am broken.

I am broken. And yet here I am, trying to fix things. It sounds ridiculous. Something broken trying to fix something else that's broken? What am I fighting for? Is it nothing? Is it impossible?

It's not nothing. It can't be. I'm fighting for people, for happiness, for everything to be ok. That's not nothing.

But I'm losing. I'm never going to win. I know this. I can never make everyone happy. I can never make everything ok. But I'll fight for it anyway. Because maybe I can make a difference. Because maybe I can show people I care. Because maybe, just maybe, I can understand how they feel and make an impact in their life.

Maybe I will make someone happy.

Maybe everything will be ok.

Then, then I can sleep.