You know those kids everybody hates? The ones whose parents spoil them rotten. The ones who have everything they could possibly need and more. The ones that seem to get what they want at the snap of their fingers. The ones that have everything most people want, but that so few realize they really don't. Yeah. It's interesting how nobody likes those kids. And yet, everybody wants to be them.
In some ways, I am those kids. I've always had anything I've ever needed. And more. I've never lacked food, shelter, pleasure. Whether my parents struggled to provide it or not, it was still there.
It's funny because even after getting rid of a lot of stuff before moving to the US, and then half of my belongings before moving to Ireland, I still feel like I have too much. I want to dump it, dump it all. Take it to the cancer research shop or oxfam or someplace and get rid of it. All it's doing is sitting. Maybe it could help other people.
In The Irresistable Revolution, Shane Claiborne talks about how in the early church there were christians who gave up everything and went and lived with the poor, served the poor, and taught the poor. Then there were christians who kept everything and served the ones who gave up their belongings by giving them a place to stay and feeding them. This was a mutual friendship and the ones who gave things up didn't look down on the others for being too self-centred and selfish, and the ones who kept their belongings didn't look down on the others for being too radical. It just fit and they worked together to serve God. And see, I guess my problem comes in in that I tend to relate more to the ones who gave up their belongings and just left everything.
I feel tied down by my belongings. I feel tied down by my school. School isn't helping anyone but me. In a way, it feels selfish. Then again, maybe it's preparing me to help others better down the road. Claire says I need to learn how to be content in my circumstances. I never really have been. I'm always looking on to the next, better thing that I could be doing. Maybe I just need to slow down and take a look around me, and instead of focusing on what I COULD be doing if I was in a different place, if I was in a different time, if I was in a different circumstance, and try and see what I can do here, and now, and with the people I'm with at the moment. The future's not til later, and I have no excuse if I don't make the most of what I have now.
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Well, if you do end up giving up all your belongings, you can live with me.
But I agree with Claire. I think that school, whether or not you end up using your degree, is important. Because honestly, you could go on to make movies or something that could be a powerful tool. Or you could follow that dream of starting some kind of house for kids who have nowhere to go. But people who do those things need skills and education to do them.
It's hard to be content where we are. And I feel for you in your situation. Even though you are taken care of, there's just a time in your life when you need to break free and do your own thing. But think about Jesus living with His parents for thirty years. I mean, that had to be hard. And it's hard for us to get along with our families. But we just have to take that step back and look at the big picture. Two more years is not that long. And then you're going to go off and do your own thing, and how often will you see your sister and your dad and even Claire? Not very much. Find a place where you can escape them for a while, but instead of letting all those little things they do irritate you, see them as a blessing.
Easier said than done.
Do you like how I am going through your whole blog and commenting on everything? Don't know why. Just felt like it today...
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