A letter I may never send

I don't know what to say to you. I don't even know how to start. Maybe with a question. What happened to us? What changed? Where did that sweet, sweet boy go? Why are things so different?

I wonder if you know the power you have over me. If you understand how much I would do for you. There was a time when I would have done anything you asked me to. But that's gone. It has to be gone. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry.

All I ever wanted to do was make you happy. No matter what it was, as long as it made you happy, it made me happy. And then I realized that doing anything to make you happy wasn't making me happy. And then I realized that it wasn't really making you happy either. I can't make you happy. I can't answer all your questions. No matter how much I want to. And it kills me that I can't.

Any little criticism you make...do you know how much it affects me? How much I think on it and think on it and wonder if maybe you're right. If maybe you'll like me better if I change. And then when you say things that hurt, I don't let myself cry. I won't. I refuse to. Because of that stupid little phrase "the one worth crying over is the one who won't make you cry". I've grown to despise that phrase.

I care about you so much. I feel like you know me better than anyone else. I feel like I know you better than anyone else. We've seen each other at our best and at our worst. I don't want to lose your friendship. I don't want to have to say goodbye to you, ever. But things have to change. I know things are hard for you right now, but...that doesn't give you the right to take advantage of people the way you do.

I would have given you anything. I would have given you everything. But not anymore. Because now I can't. Now I know that it wouldn't be good for either of us.

So this is it. This is me stepping back. Because it's not ok. Because...because you just aren't good for me. It's time for me to forget about any hopes or ideas about us being anything more than what we are. It's time to let go.