Letter

September 29, 2008

Excerpt from my journal/a letter I wrote to a couple people.


Dear friend,

I don't know what's happening. I don't know where it's going. I definitely don't understand any of it.

There are things out there that are bigger than you or me, and somehow that makes everything ok.

I'm not sure what I'm doing. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be. I feel like I'm in hell. I feel like I'm in heaven. I don't even know where I'm going in life.

Except for forward. It has to be forward.

And as I wrote in that book that quite possibly no one will ever read, but if anyone ever does, you will be among the few,

"But what I do know is that I am here, I am alive, and for some reason I am doing quite well. I know that I will never understand all that has happened to me and I will also never understand why."

And for some reason, everything's ok.

And for some reason, no matter how many times I say it's ok, I can't quite convince myself.

And it never is.